339 Thayer

Pittsburgh (July 25) -- On a clear, slightly chilly Sunday morning, the B(ee) Mobile, a no-frills 1996 Chevrolet Cavalier, was sold by Mr. Pet Rock to a man sources close to the sale identify only as "Chas." Many were shocked and saddened as news of the sale spread. Todd Martini, a frequent driver of the car when it was stationed in Providence, RI says he will "pour out a little Chivas" in memory of the many trips he made to Stop and Shop because a third roommate, Swollen Brokeass -- the video artist -- didn't have a driver's license.
When asked whether he would declare a day of mourning in Pennsylvania, Governor Ed Rendell indicated the black armband he was wearing. "Truly, it is a sad day for all Pennsylvanians," he said, "but we do take solace in the fact that the car will retain its Pennsylvania registration, at least for the time being." Governor Rendell seemed to chafe at the idea that the Smithsonian had already been in touch with Mr. Rock about acquiring the original license plate from the car. "Yes, this sale does have national attention, and yes, we're sure the politicos in Washington would just love to get their hands on this, but we have to draw the line somewhere," said Rendell at an afternoon press conference.
Although most Americans did not learn of the sale until today, Mr. Rock had known for several weeks that such action was on the horizon. Compounded with the recent appearance of a hole in the knee of his favorite pair of jeans, Mr. Rock was inconsolable Sunday. Through tears, he declined to comment for this report.